Never Learns

I like to get toasted then write something that I do not edit or clean up and put it up on my blog. This is a blog right?

I know it is a stupid thing to do but it’s as crazy as I seem to get these days. My reasoning is nobody is paying attention to me or what I say so why not just have some silly fun?

Rough day at the office, first day back doing my Wed. show which has become quite important to me and bozos which I won’t name fooled around and we ended up with dead air and beating hearts as the blind leading the blind tried to figure it out. This kinda shit pisses me off. Turned out to be a long afternoon for me. But it’s over now and I did my best and that’s really all we can do, right?

November 21, 2023

I just figured out at the age of 73 that the reason I was always attracted to “bad boys” is because my daddy was a “bad boy.” Duh.

He also gave me my love and radio and music so no hard feelings daddy.

I mean I could have figured it out a long time ago. Timing is everything.

It’s that time of year when memories rush in, I embrace it, as it’s my story.

Have a pleasant holiday season.

RAdio

I was getting stale. Time to shake it up. I wanted to break down the walls that hold me. After awhile the listeners seem to expect a certain style, they are comfortable, I feel stuck. Whenever I decide to switch it up I question myself. What if I lose my audience? What if they hate it? Do what you know they like, don’t make waves, keep them happy.  Is that my job? To keep them happy, (all four of them.)

No. It’s not my job. I will help them find happiness but I can not let them control my creativity. I need to be experimenting and testing new sounds. The playlist is king. 

When I took writing classes I would ofter an explanation to a piece I had written especially if I was nervous about it. I learned to stop doing that and just do it.  I get nervous before I do something good. So today I did I show I knew my regulars might not like because like me they have become comfortable. An hour into the show I got an email saying “Awesome, awesome show. That’s all I needed. I did what I set out to do and at least one person got it. Looking up, moving forward.

Radio On!

Adventures in Pet Sitting

There is no better place to be reminded that there are a lot of strange people in the world then when you pet sit. Because you get to meet them all.

I mean think about it, people love their pets more than their kids, right?

I am pet sitting out of necessity but I must admit there is part of me that is enjoying meeting all the owners and their fine pets. I do have some new best pet friends. The owners? Not so much.

My current crush is Bella a puffy white Pomeranian with black eyes and a belly that Buddha would be proud of. Bella and I got along immediately. We have a lot in common, we both want to lay in bed and do nothing. We both like naps. We both love food. She just seems to get me.

It’s only rock and roll.

I did my first interview and it was okay.

Ken Jones did his homework and that helped. It seems that as my generation drops I am in demand for stories. I guess that is why I did Ken’s interview so the stories wouldn’t die immediately if I did.

Morbid but also my reality, the end is so much closer you can almost feel it’s breath on your neck.

Radio is good and lonely as ever. I seem to work totally on vibes, and like the weatherman can not always be trusted.

Of course I want to make them happy or enjoy our time together. Of course I have to do my thing when I do my show even if it’s bad.

Hell no I say I don’t do bad, you just need to catch up.

I love the holidays

Yes I do love the holidays, you know why? Because when I’ve been disappointed or heartbroken during this time of year, I did not let it define the season. I decided that would not set the tone for this time of year. Oh yeah, I could tell you some bad holiday tale. But you know what? old I like the good feeling of making my own “It’s a wonderful life.” Is this a grown up moment?

One thing good about getting old is you do “stop sweating the small stuff.” I know another one of those cliches’ that is true. I have been told numerous times in my life I was to “serious.” Is that another way of saying uptight? Who the fuck cares. Maybe I once did but I don’t anymore and it is so liberating. How many ways do you feel liberated?

2022. I’m ready let’s do this.

7 Years

It’s been seven years since the queen mum fell on her birthday and jumped on the rollar coaster that only goes down. Seven years, that is how long it has taken me to forget the bad memories and only want to think of the good ones. For Thanksgiving had always been a wonderful time of the year for my family. “My family,” that is also a memory from the past. It feels so strange to not have a family that you see or talk to. But that’s not what I am hear to talk about, what I realized is this time of year doesn’t hurt like it did for many years. I tried to do the “work’ but also I do think that age brings many challenges but also a freedom from the angst. Ok, maybe you were smart enough not to go on the angst train but not me, hey I was the kid that wanted to be a martyr. What a waste of good energy.

I have been working on forgiving the ones I gave my Love to but it wasn’t enough. More like they didn’t respond in the way I wanted them to do with the love I was throwing out. Both are Sagittarius, one a love, one blood. Both born on the same day. Chaos is laughing. I can work with chaos. I love the holidays because I believe in magic.

11/10/21

I think I became aware that males were more important than females when I was about one year old. I was the first grandchild and for a moment I was Queen of the universe. Then my cousin Tim was born and I felt the shift. A boy, the family has a boy to continue the family name. I felt that as much as they liked me I was not as valuable as a boy baby. It showed in the toys they bought at Christmas, I got dolls and a doll house he got an electric train. A train,  who wouldn’t want a train? Dolls. I never knew what you were supposed to do with them.  Soon I would have a baby brother, so I certainly didn’t need baby dolls., I had a baby brother.

I was angry when my cousin Tim got a train set and I didn’t, I’m still angry. I’m angry that I have been treated differently my whole life because I’m a female. This memory/feeling arrived on the day I found out that my dear cousin Tim Clark had died of a massive stroke (our family health history.)  We were not friends as adults but we spent those first baby years together with the big people making memories. He and I bonded if we liked each other or not.  RIP Tim.

Horseradish Polenta 

1 cup coarse ground cornmeal 

3 cups milk

2 cups water

1/4 cup heavy cream 

3 tablespoons Better Than Bouillon chicken base 

3 cloves garlic, minced 

1/2 cup grated Parmigiano-Reggiano 

3 tablespoons prepared horseradish 

2 tablespoons unsalted butter 

Heat the milk, water and cream to a boil and whisk in the cornmeal. Add the garlic and chicken base. Continue whisking for 30 to 60 minutes until it’s tender. You may need to add more cream as you go if it’s too thick. Add the cheese, horseradish and butter and whisk until smooth. 

Times that I am happy I live alone:

Right Now.

I seem to be buying my winter wardrobe for Costco in the mens flannel selection. I can’t figure out the size difference so the clothes/ pjs are not flattering and usually too big. But I don’’t care because they are warm and fuzzy and that make me happy.

Monday 10/18/21

   Monday morning I sleep until I want to wake up. I make strong black tea with honey and sometimes cream, jump back in bed light up a joint and check the internet. I usually wake up with music in my head and will go to iTunes and start working on my Wed playlist. I grab music from everywhere but iTunes to check new music. I work on my playlist for two days but I’ve been compiling possible tunes all week. Because it’s new music  to me I listen to the same stuff over again to become acquainted with it. 

     Then I start to cook. Every week on Wed I get a big bag of organic vegetables from a local farm. It’s exciting wondering what I will get each week but then there is the dilemma of what to do with them. I am not a good cook or an exciting cook as a matter of fact it’s surprising for how long I have been on planet earth what a dull cook I am, but I keep trying. I do not come from a line of good cooks, my mother’s signature dish was called “The Mess.’ I think that says it all.

Here is an example of what I might get in my box of veggies. Delicata squash, rainbow chard, golden beets, leeks, zucchini, parsnips, cauliflower. Sounds great right? But what the hell do you do with it? Right now I have cauliflower soup on the stove with leeks, potatoes,, celery and pear. I just pulled out of the oven my version of quiche with cabbage, Swiss chard, potatoes, leeks, and cheese made with eggs from our generous chickens. It has been such a learning experience for me to work with many vegetables that if I was at the super market I would walk right past. Oh and my other challenge to myself is use the veggies I have not to go buy something at the store. I have learned how to cook collard greens and they are good.